My name is Kevin, I am a flashaholic. "Hi, Kevin!"

Get your mind out of the gutter you ignorant fool.  I'm talking about flashlights.

Flashlights separate us from the apes.  Seriously.  You might have thought it was Cabernet, or a few crucial strands of DNA, or simply the bars in the zoo, but it's really flashlights.  When the apes sleep, we roam, looking at things in the dark. . .

This isn't just me justifying ownership of many, many flashlights, but I suppose there's that too.  Yes, I have a lot of flashlights.  I collected a few of them for a family photo, and I left some out.  I have not too many, perhaps enough, but yeah, a few. (I dunno, 25?)

So here it is, my confession: I collect flashlights.  Some people (I love you, honey) find this amusing.  Those people can stuff it.  :)  After all, it's not guns, or comic books, or Barbie dolls (which would be weird), but flashlights. Get over it. 

The big ticket items are the two Surefire lights.  The black plastic one in the middle-front was my first, and it now has a turbo head bulb (120 lumens) to light up things that go bump in the night.  The other on the right is an L2 Lumamax LED model that has a low beam that will run for 25 hours or so, and a high beam that will sear your retinas, or illuminate that bush across the street, or down the block.  Just the thing to take to walk the dog.  (I bag no poo by feel.)

The old black 3D maglight in the upper left was a present from my dad when I was around 12 years old.  Now it has a 140 lumen LED bulb and it rocks like the day it was new, back when I first realized that maglights are good lights and great clubs.  The rest (save one) are less notable.  One lives in the first aid kit, another in the kitchen. The battered up blue angle-head lantern is the go-to workhorse, powered by the same rechargeable 12v batteries that my cordless drill uses- it will throw a bright beam for hours and hours, and stands up by itself.  Its low-tech, but it keeps on truckin.  Definitely the first choice if I'm doing work in the attic or crawlspace, or on a car at night.  It's so big that its impossible to lose. 

So you get an idea of horsepower, the 120 and 140 lumen lights are very, very bright.  Much brighter than the standard Eveready flashlight that your dad kept in the bedside drawer- they will fully illuminate a dark room, or a bush or tree on the far side of the backyard. They will temporarily blind someone whose eyes are adjusted to the dark.  Cuz you care, I'll now explain that until recently, flashlights above 60 lumens or so were rare, used mostly by cops and as weapons lights by SWAT teams or troops searching caves in Afghanistan.  Now that prices have dropped from several hundred dollars to 50 or so, well, you know.

Which brings us to the big shiny blue guy in the middle.  Its a 4D Maglight, sort of.  "Sort of," because the real feature isn't the pretty blue, but rather the bulb.  Or diodes actually, three of them, none of them installed or intended by its makers at Mag Instruments.  See, the geeks amongst flashlight geeks are flashlight hackers, for whom standard lights are not interesting enough.  And they (we?) get their giggles by seeing how bright they can make thems lights be. 

Big Blue (named by D's 1-3) has a Terralux LED array that throws, get ready for this, 600 lumens.  This thing will light up a house a block away, wake everyone up, and make them wonder if Tuesdays are alien abduction day.  That, in a handheld flashlight that costs well under $100, is pretty incredible (take my word for it).  There's other lights that will do this, like a Borealis or one of the bigger Surefires.  But this one is comparatively cheap, and uses LEDs, so its shock proof and will last practically forever.  And because LED's are more efficient than filament bulbs, it doesn't generate the heat that a regular bulb will, so it won't cause a fire if you accidently turn it on in your backpack.  Yeah, I told you this was serious.

So what am I going to do with this?  Lots.  While it's too big to walk around with or stick in your pocket, it will definitely go on trips like my recent ones to Anza Borrego or the Inyos, where it would be a real alternative to a vehicle mounted spotlight.  In between trips it will knock around for a while until it finds its rightful place in the household.  Someplace dark.  Where there apes fear to go.

As my child, you too will grow to love flashlights.  You too will . . . Hey, give that back!

Comments

[Lovely Wife]

Lordy.

Um, big blue cost in the neighborhood of $100??? This Momma's off for a day at the spa.

[Kevin]

Me and my big mouth.

[mrs. hass]

Mrs. Big Blue, you'll be sorry when your hubby single-handedly blinds a freaky intruder with his 17-billion-candlepower weapon, saving the entire family without firing a shot!

PS/ See you at the spa!